I’m sure that this title is going to attract attention, and it is intended to do just that! However, it is only a question, right? In my next post I am going to provide some encouraging examples of white leaders who are definitely listening. At the same time, I am hearing from some of our black members who are discouraged by the apparent lack of interest on the part of some white leaders who show little or no willingness to engage in racial discussions of any type. My goal is to keep showing why we need to be engaging in more discussions. Our brothers and sisters of color are always in contact with those of their race who are not as governed by spiritual constraints as they are, and what they hear and must address is difficult, to say the least. They want to remain spiritual in their perspectives, but they need help, and if they can’t get it from fellow Christians, where do we expect them to get it? With that introduction, please continue to read, carefully and prayerfully. I thank you in advance for doing so.
Cries for Help
In my last blog post, I printed excerpts of a letter from a black sister that covered several areas within the spectrum of racial issues. She shared some of her own experiences, which included prejudicial treatment from other black people toward her. She then went on to share her concerns about how people of color can assume a victim mindset and avoid taking responsibility for their own actions without blaming everything on white racism.
I have addressed a few of my comments toward the attitudes and actions of black folks, and intend to do more of this, but so far have not addressed black issues nearly as much as I have white issues. To be perfectly candid, I think this seeming imbalance comes for one reason and one reason only. That reason is not my fear that some of my black readers may not like what I say, although admittedly they would likely find it easier to hear it from another black person rather than from a white person. That likelihood goes both ways, in that some whites would find it more difficult to hear racial critiques from blacks than from whites.
The reason I have thus far in my blog had more to say to white people than black people is because I’m not yet convinced that my white brothers and sisters are taking racial issues within the church seriously. Especially do I believe this is true of white leaders. Too many whites are fragile when it comes to having open, honest discussions with blacks. Hence, the presence of a number of articles on the web being written about “white fragility.” As promised, I am going to address this subject much more in-depth in a future article, showing what the roots of this malady are.
I received an email from a white sister who is married to a black brother, in which she poured out the pain in her heart about not being able to get her white church leaders to take racial issues seriously and address them. Their attitudes appear to be the same as many other white leaders and white church members, as they honestly say that they don’t believe that racial tensions exist in their particularly congregation. They are almost certainly mistaken about that assumption, but they honestly don’t see it. Why not?
A Family Illustration
Let’s use a family illustration. What percentage of teens in the church are 100% open and honest with their parents about their inner feelings and struggles? Keep in mind that when the biological clock hits the puberty button, their hormones kick in and set off feelings that they heretofore didn’t know even existed. They are now dealing with so many unsettling thoughts and temptations that they are literally scared half to death. Do you really think that the large majority of kids in this stage of life are going to be fully open with their parents? Most will not, which is why we are all so grateful for teen workers who are closer to their age and are only a part of their spiritual family and not a part of their biological family.
Are any teens fully open and honest with their parents about their inner self? Yes, some are, but many of these are only open with one parent and not both. Why are these few open at the heart level, the “gut” level, if you will? Their parents have managed to create a safe enough place for the kids to feel able to be forthcoming without fear of over-reactions in response. The kids who do not feel this safe will simply “play the game” and answer in ways that avoid total honesty regarding their struggles.
Hiding in Plain Sight
That is exactly what goes on with racial minorities in the church. They learn to live in the white person’s world and know how to answer without offending or raising eyebrows. Out of fear, they essentially “hide” in plain sight. Their white brothers and sisters assume that all is well with them, and in relief leave the sensitive subject of race alone. That describes what is going on in your church, to one degree or another, trust me. It explains why a number of black brothers and sisters (more sisters than brothers) have told me after hearing me preach on the subject that they had been considering leaving the church. You have people in your church who are feeling exactly the same way. You can continue to stick your head in the sand if you like, but your church is going to suffer some unwelcome consequences if you continue on this track.
Without understanding what my role was going to be when I started teaching on the topic, it has become obvious that I am purposefully raising the expectation level of my black brothers and sisters. I don’t wish to raise the tension level, but I am repeatedly saying that we must get this subject out in the open among us and help each other out because I believe it needs to be done. I simply cannot avoid the subject and I cannot avoid the resultant rise in expectations of our black members. In the majority, our white members are afraid to hear what our black members are really feeling and our black members are afraid to tell them.
White Christians – the Ball is in Our Court
This dynamic has its roots in decades upon decades of experience on the black side, and for that reason, we whites, who comprise the majority of the membership in most of our congregations, are going to have to initiate these discussions with our black members. That is simply common sense, common decency and common love. We cannot continue to remain silent and be content with staying on the surface in our relationships. Too much has happened and is happening in our society to keep the issue under wraps. The world is speaking up and speaking up just as we would expect – in a worldly fashion, reflecting worldly values. In the family of God, we must speak up with one another in seeking godly understanding and godly solutions. As I said in one of my earliest blog posts, “The Silence Must End!”
An Alarming Email
The following two paragraphs are an excerpt from that white sister I mentioned earlier in this article. She is a brave soul to allow me to share what spilled out of her heart, for those who know her will likely be able to identify her, although I have taken steps to remove as many identifying marks as possible while leaving her message intact. Please read what she said, and then ask your white leaders to get serious about this topic and help to start dialogue in your church, and please take this courageous step whether you are white or black. (My next article will provide some more practical steps to help you get started.) Read on…
The leaders asked “Well, who else has concerns? Do you have anyone else expressing racial tension?” I expressed that there were feelings but our disciples of color, I believed, are conditioned in this Southern environment not to speak up because that is how they have survived. I believe that is true also in our church. We don’t create a safe environment and an inviting environment for them to feel free to express their feelings, which means we also oppress them without realizing it.
I don’t know how to start dialogue about this, but since others had not approached them, they are unwilling to dabble in this arena. I believe that they think we don’t have racial issues in the church. They don’t see a need. I am thinking, “We live in the South,” therefore we have racial issues. I believe that our leaders are just ignorant of these issues because they are white. I even feel weird about expressing these things which have been heavy on my heart because I too grew up in the South and also have been conditioned. I love my brothers and sisters in the church, my own racially mixed family, and desire to see growth in having these needs in our church met. My family cannot be the only ones who are feeling this way. Thanks for your listening ear.
And I thank you, the readers, for your listening ears. I pray that this message will not fall upon deaf ears, but on ears that want to understand, and that driven by the desire to understand all of those in your spiritual family, you will take action. To that end I write, and pray.
I had certainly intended to follow-up before now on my last blog post about white church leaders! However, schedule creep turned into a bit of a tidal wave and I am trying hard to swim back to shore. I know that some white church leaders (and others) may have thought from my last post that I am down on them, but that is not the case. I do believe that raising awareness among our leaders about the needs I am addressing in this blog has proved to be something of an uphill climb.
That being said, I am receiving many letters and comments from white disciples who fully support and appreciate what I am writing. Sometimes I can get frustrated with the speed of progress in raising awareness, and my frustration might be interpreted as if few folks in my color category really care. That is decidedly not the case.
In my next post, I am going to share what I have seen in my home church in Dallas. We may not be the perfect model, but we have done some important things from which others can learn. However, to be very candid, I have received enough comments from my black brothers and sisters here to know that we still have a long way to go. I do believe that our leaders are definitely on the right track and wanting to keep helping us make progress. But now, we still need some more preparation in this article as a precursor to that next one.
Uncaring or Unaware?
One of the things that I hear from black friends is that their white leaders say that they just don’t see the need to focus much on racial issues because their black members (and others of color) don’t seem to be having any problems related to race. I don’t question their honesty on this in the least. They really don’t see the problem, or if they do, they seriously underestimate the depths of it. Thus, I am trying my best to help raise awareness.
Once I was in an orchard of fruit trees with a friend and he remarked how much fruit was on the trees. I thought he was kidding, because I didn’t see even one piece of fruit. He then helped me to see that although the fruit was still green and small, and blended in well with the leaves, it was there in abundance. Although I didn’t see it at first, once my eyes focused on the first piece of fruit, I almost immediately saw an amazing amount of fruit all in those trees. Sometimes our awareness level simply has to be focused and raised. That, I think, is the case with so many of our white Christians. They aren’t uncaring, but they are unaware and thus need help.
Why Are We Not Seeing the Realities?
That’s a good question, with several answers. One, some just don’t want to see because the realities of other’s pain hurts them. Perhaps I have already mentioned the conversation I had with a Christian sister that I know well. After asking her if she were reading my blog, she admitted that she wasn’t reading it and said something to this effect: “I’m not racist or prejudiced; I’m colorblind and I just don’t like talking about race.” Well, I don’t either. If the problem weren’t there, I would be so relieved – but it is there, more of it than this sister even begins to imagine. Her lack of awareness is shown in the use of “colorblind,” which many people of color take as an insult. It insinuates that black or brown doesn’t count.
Two, some don’t want to see the problem because they realize how limited in knowledge they are about the whole subject and are just embarrassed to expose their ignorance. Their fear factor is real and their level of knowledge is extremely low in this arena. They are right about that, but they are wrong about willfully remaining ignorant and also wrong about letting their fears stop them. We are all going to have to learn to humbly confess how little we know and how afraid we are to venture into such sensitive new territory – but then do it. Such honesty will lower the fear factor on both sides of the discussion. It is not unlike the challenge of talking to your children when they are young about sex. When there is a need to talk, we must conquer our fears and start replacing our ignorance with knowledge.
Three, some simply do not understand the dynamics that I explained in my last post. The problem is hiding in plain sight. White folks are hiding behind their fears of exposing their ignorance and hurting their brothers and sisters of color unintentionally. Black folks are afraid to say what they are really feeling about the world in which they live because that world is better than it was a few decades ago, especially in the church, and they don’t want to risk losing what they have gained.
As I also said in my last blog post, the dynamics are akin to how teens feel about sharing their deepest fears and feelings with their parents. Bottom line, they are afraid that total honesty would cause their parents to freak out. Especially is this true when they are unsure of just how their pent-up emotions inside them might come out. Some parents don’t always handle their children’s emotions well, especially if they come out with anger. Really wise parents who are abundantly endued with the gift of self-control would much rather their children be totally honest with them, even if that honesty is clothed in seriously heightened emotions, rather than keeping it all locked up inside.
Part of a Different World
My wife and I lived in France for six months. For two kids (at heart) from Louisiana, that was indeed a different world. We had to adjust to the ways of the French in order to function in their world. When you are a minority, as we were, you will learn to adapt to what the majority population finds normal and acceptable. We did that in spite of the fact that we didn’t like some of what we saw in that culture. We enjoyed the food a bit too much, I must say!
Suppose I had met some other American citizens and we were having an honest conversation outside a restaurant about what we didn’t like about the French culture. As we were talking, imagine that a French person who obviously understood English came near and started listening intently to our conversation. Would we keep talking about their “world” or would we likely change the subject as long as they were listening?
If you get that, you might start understanding that black folks talking about racial issues are going to change the subject when white folks start listening. And yes, this applies to members in our church. Many have told me that this is indeed the case, and I understand why. It is pretty much parallel to what I described about the same type of conversation in France. One black friend, a Christian, shared with me that when he and his non-Christian physical brothers get together, they morph into a discussion of racial issues within five minutes of getting together. When among white fellow Christians, their issues are hidden in plain sight, as I said. That is why we whitebread folks need to initiate discussions, perhaps beginning by sharing our fears and our ignorance, and then start learning what other’s burdens are so that we can help bear them.
Fears of Heightened Emotions
Most of us have three gears of communication. Level one is the very calm cliché level where we talk about the weather, sports, shopping and the like. Level two is when the content is much more serious, but we do it with relative calmness. Level three is what occurs when we haven’t developed a level two! At level three, our content is strong and our manner of expressing it is likewise strong. Those who hold in strong feelings long enough are likely to explode into level three at some point.
Learning to communicate at level two is an art form in one sense, and uncommon spirituality in another sense. It is uncommon because most of us are people pleasers and conflict avoiders. Here is the Bible’s description of level two, that uncommon spirituality:
“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:23-26).
What did God say through Paul in this passage? Not to engage in arguments and quarrels with those who are emotionally out of their senses. He didn’t say to shut down the conversation or run away from it. He said to listen to the fiery talk without dishing it back, and to remain kind while continuing to reason with the fireball and not to get resentful (meaning not to take it personally). Along with that gentle instruction, you keep praying that God will help them out of the emotional turmoil that they are locked into. In this way, you can be a tool of God to help them work through what they are feeling, and to then come to their senses.
Black leader friends have told me that they are very concerned about how some black disciples might express themselves once they get started talking about race and their feelings start pouring out. They often try to help prepare their brothers and sisters of color to express themselves as calmly as possible, and they should try hard to do this. But what if that doesn’t happen in the heat of the moment? Am I going to shut down the conversation when the volume goes up, or love enough to help them work through what they are feeling? Would I help my own child (especially in those teen years) work through their pain, or would I insist on them saying it just the right way before I would be willing to hear them out? The loving parent would follow the first approach and the unloving parent would do the second – resulting in a shut-down kid whose very future might be in danger. Are you listening yet?
Venting Has Its Place!
Have you ever been out of your senses and said things you shouldn’t have said, or at least said whatever you said in a very wrong way? God knows I have – many times! I am an emotionally based guy, to the point that I have wished for an “emotionectomy” countless times. Has anyone ever turned it back on me and totally rejected my content because I was saying it in the wrong way? Oh yes, more than once! Has anyone ever put 2 Timothy 2 into practice with me? Praise God, yes, and what a difference it made in my heart and life. I remember some of those times like they were yesterday, and I will always be thankful – thankful for them and thankful to God for them.
My wife is a great people helper. I honestly don’t know anyone better at helping other women work through their emotional pain. (She helps males too, me being the foremost of those!) She listens to their pain to a point that she forgets her own. It’s called self-denial, which is the first requisite of following Jesus, as I recall. She often asks those she is helping if they want advice or just need to vent. If they choose the latter, she listens intently, no matter what they say or how they say it. Almost always, they are open to spiritual advice after venting. Theresa has mastered the principles in that passage amazingly well, with the occasional exception when her husband pushes too many of her buttons. She is almost an angel, but not quite!
Real Life Examples
I had a black Christian sister on Facebook write some things in an emotional state that she soon erased. She wrote me on Messenger, the private side of FB, and apologized. Along with the first apology came some additional venting, aimed mainly at herself, complete with some racial terminology. Afterwards, she soon wrote me another apology. Obviously she was hurting. I quickly let her know that her apology was accepted, but more importantly, I let her know that I was a safe place and that I wasn’t offended in the least by what she wrote. I just hurt with her and was so glad that she felt safe enough with me to say what was on her heart.
I received an email a few days ago from another black sister with this heading: “Feeling Hopeless in My Battle Against Ignorance.” She poured her heart out to me and it was full of pain. She recounted instances of white sisters using terminology in front of others that they perhaps thought was acceptable and even “cool,” but it was anything but. It hurt her deeply. She also described her attempts to share her pain with white sisters who got offended quickly by her honesty and by her emotional state as she shared. She assured me that she has talked to a number of other black sisters who felt exactly the same. When such instances occur, they just try to smile and endure, trying to avoid making bad situations worse.
A Jesus Ministry
After sending me the email, this second sister was very fearful, expecting me to rebuke her (her words). Of course, I wrote back quickly to assure her that I was a safe place. I told her to relax and get a good night’s sleep – to make up for the long night when she wrote and sent the email. I will speak with her on the phone in the next few days to make sure I understand her heart and the pain in it more accurately. I want to help bear her burdens. The longer I deal with this systemic racism issue, the more I understand the heart of Jesus, when he said that he came to “set the oppressed free” (Luke 4:18). Oppression comes in many forms, some of it intentional and some of it unintentional. I believe that those of us who are trying to help deal with this form of it are smackdab in the middle of a Jesus ministry.
I want to be there for my brothers and sisters of color. In the past year, I have learned so much about what my fellow Christian friends of color are really feeling. I’m glad they are opening up to me. As one brother says, he has racial demons inside, and often our conversations are quite something. He says that his wife is very grateful for me and he also says that I’m one of the few white guys that he can share with about those demons. I’m glad to be one of the few in one sense, but in another sense, the number of us palefaces who are willing to help others like him deal with their demons must increase, and increase mightily. Won’t you join the battle? Please?
As promised in the last blog post, I am continuing a series about white church leaders who are listening to the issues faced by our racially diverse membership. This series will likely consist of at least three articles, and perhaps more. As with the first one in the series, some backstory information will help us understand the needs more fully and show us how to listen and then act upon listening. These lessons are not just about getting more in touch with our members of color about racial issues; they fit other important subjects as well. We will discuss how leaders can really hear what their members are thinking in different areas, even if they are not saying it initially. We must give them an opportunity to speak, within an atmosphere that encourages it.
My introduction to the need to address racial issues more directly was provided by white church leaders in my home church, the DFW (Dallas/Fort Worth) church. Our congregation is one of 20 in our family of churches that has more than 1,000 members, and is increasingly gaining the attention of other church leaders. We are far from perfect, but our leaders are doing many things right, and this shows up in the joy level of the membership and in our growth. Thus, when the Dallas leadership has something to share, many other leaders who are in a learning mode are listening. I pray that this is the case with what I am about to share.
On July 7, 2016, Micah Johnson ambushed a group of police officers during a Black Lives Matter rally in Dallas. Five officers were killed and nine others were wounded, along with two civilians. Johnson, an Army Reserve Afghan War veteran, was angry about police shootings of black men. He said that he wanted to kill white people, especially white police officers. A series of events took place in the church that led our congregational evangelist, Todd Assad, to send out an email to the congregation.
That in turn led to another of our region leaders, Mark Mancini, inviting me to speak about racial issues in our Southwest region. Both Todd and Derik Vett, our other main evangelists, then had me deliver the same basic lesson to their regions. This ball kept rolling until my involvement in such discussions became my passion and ultimately led to the beginning of this blog. I am so grateful that our ministry staff and elders are fully on board with Todd’s very astute comment in his email letter about the effects of the atmosphere in society upon our churches: “This atmosphere can’t help but affect those of us in the church.” AMEN to that!
In rereading Todd’s initial email, I am impressed with his desire to both hear and act. I will continue to share in this article and those following exactly how Todd and our other leaders have continued to pursue ways to help all of us understand the underlying issues faced by our membership and to work on improving our interracial relationships. I am hereby requesting that leaders in other congregations (plus any members) please write me to share what they have done, and I will in turn share about those efforts in this blog. We all can help each other to help all of our church members, those of color and those like me who are white. With that introduction, let’s hear from Todd.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
For many of us, the past week has been filled with deep emotions as a number of significant events have occurred both here in Dallas and throughout our country including Minneapolis and Baton Rouge. From killings of African American men to the retaliation shooting of police officers in our own backyard, these actions have created an environment of fear, outrage and distrust in our nation. Words cannot adequately express the feelings so many disciples from various backgrounds are experiencing. Even as I write this, reports are coming in from Nice, France where a terrorist killed 84 people and left 50 more fighting for their lives. Hatred in any form is a heinous sin. These actions have added to an environment of fear, outrage and distrust in our nation. This atmosphere can’t help but affect those of us in the church.
This past Sunday, while Patty and I were in St Louis, a brother who is a Dallas Police officer shared during the collection of contribution for the NW and SW regions. This gave the appearance of the church planning a quick response to the shootings of the officers in Dallas, but neglected to respond to the other shootings. That was not the case. The brother had been asked to share two weeks prior to the shootings. His sharing was an outpouring of his emotions because he personally knew some of the officers who died and his wife, also a Dallas police officer, was called in to work that night in the aftermath.
However, I would like to use this opportunity to bring to the forefront how some of these issues are impacting our church members so that we can have discussions to strengthen our unity. I do wonder if this was from the Spirit to bring racial tensions in our church to the forefront so we can discuss them. First, I want to apologize for insensitivity in the past in regard to these issues. A clear example occurred the week after the terrible shooting in Charleston, South Carolina. A young, white man killed nine African Americans at a church Bible study. Two sisters, who at one time lived in that area, expressed in a very humble way, their frustration and hurt because of the lack of prayer for this tragedy. At the time, I did not fully understand their pain, and probably still don’t, but I’m grateful that God has given me opportunities to grow in my sensitivity to the pain others feel.
Over the past few weeks, lives were lost in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge and Dallas; loved ones were brutally separated from their families. As our black brothers and sisters grieve and fear for their own lives and the lives of their loved ones, our brothers and sisters on the Dallas Police force also grieve the loss of their fellow officers and fear for their own lives. No matter our background, we must find a way to grieve together and carry one another’s burdens.
Galatians 6:2 (NIV84)
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
While I have not experienced overt discrimination because of the color of my skin; I must strive to grasp the issues that affect my brothers and sisters and to fathom the emotional pain. As African Americans have died, this has added to the despair of many in the face of a systematic atmosphere of racism. It is imperative that all of us attempt to understand and show the compassion of Christ so that our brothers and sisters will never again have to feel alone.
1 Corinthians 12:26–27 (ESV)
26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.
Recently a brother emailed his thoughts in a very constructive and helpful way, “The struggles of being black in America are nothing new; and we are used to living in a world in which those struggles are marginalized, mocked and doubted. So in this we learn to adapt, from naming our children to styling our hair or going to work and school, we do so cautiously, deciding what to do with our blackness. I won’t claim that for everyone this is a conscious burden, yet it still is a burden that if neglected can mean career, social and even physical death. Nonetheless; in the world these are “black issues”, and we all develop different mechanisms to be reconciled as Americans despite not being full partners in the ideals.”
I am very grateful to this brother for expressing his deep feelings, but indignant that this is the world in which he lives. I am proud that he is my brother. We are trying to navigate these deep and complex issues in a way that God will find pleasing. Given all the toxic opinions on social media and the volatile political situation in our country, it would be easy to let the world shape our views. Our prayer is that God will show us how to love so that the church can truly be a light to a hurting world.
Next week, the elders and senior staff will meet to discuss how the DFW Church can address the cultural needs of our wonderfully diverse church. This diversity is a gift from God to reach out to all nations, including those here in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. If you have thoughts on how to handle these issues, please feel free to contact an elder or a staff member with your ideas. A few brothers and sisters have already done that and their input has been invaluable. Please join with us in prayer for the Holy Spirit to guide us in all his wisdom.
Love, Todd
1 Peter 1:22 (ESV)
22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,
I am so proud of Todd and our other leaders, white and non-white, who are not only in tune with the realities involved, but desiring to become more in tune and to help all of us under their leadership to do the same. We are only a few days past the horrific events that took place in Charlottesville, Virginia. As a white person, I am extremely alarmed to know that such radical, publicly expressed racism exists in our country and extremely saddened by my increasing understanding of the systemic racism that is less public, but yet is the very root of racism in all of its forms.
I can only imagine what my black brothers and sisters must be feeling right now. I believe that God has had quite enough of the denial in far too many of our churches, a denial that this is a significant enough problem and need to address it head-on. Please listen to the leaders of a congregation that is already considered a good model in many other areas. Please let it become an example that leads you to find ways to address these pressing issues that we can no longer afford to ignore in any of our congregations. More to follow soon…
Love listens. Agreed? Ask any wife whether she feels loved or not by her husband, and her answer will likely be tied to how well he listens to her. No one can be described as a loving person who is not a good listener. A quick glance at a concordance demonstrates abundantly how much God has to say about listening to him and his Word, and about just listening in general. Here are a few biblical passages to consider:
Proverbs 1:5 – “let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance…”
Proverbs 18:13 – “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”
Proverbs 19:20 – “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”
James 1:19 – “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
Listening is a prerequisite for obeying many other biblical directions. How can we show compassion without first ascertaining what another’s problems are? How can we bear one another’s burdens without knowing what they are? How can we encourage one another without knowing if they are discouraged, and if they are, then why? Such questions could be continued almost infinitely, but you get the point. Listening is foundational to loving others.
Listening To and For Your Members
Being a loving listener not only means that you are willing to listen when approached; it also means that you approach others first because you are interested in knowing them and their story. Church leaders, of all people, should exemplify the fine art of listening – listening to their members and listening for their members. The idea of listening to them is easy to understand, but listening for them is a broader topic. This concept means that we listen to anything that might be of help to them. In other words, how can we serve them better? Leaders are, after all, to be the greatest servants of all according to Jesus (Matthew 20:20-28).
Since I am using my home church as an example, let me recount a series of incidents that make the point well. Although I am not on the ministry staff of our congregation, I do get together with our lead evangelist Todd Asaad occasionally. He is interested in my perspective as an older person with a background in ministry and leadership. A couple of years ago, he and I were having coffee together and he asked what I thought could help the church. I mentioned the idea of just seeking more input from the grassroots membership. I likely mentioned several ways that this might be accomplished, but brought up the idea of using a church survey to better understand the needs of the members.
A Great Example of Listening
I shared about my “adopted” spiritual daughter in Seattle having developed such a survey for her home congregation and the praise that one of the evangelists there had shared with me about it. (See my article, “Another Kind of Adoption” on my teaching website, gordonferguson.org, to better understand who Kelly Flores is. She currently is the Dean of a college in Seattle that grants Doctorates in “Applied Leadership.”)
I just threw out the idea as one of several, not really expecting Todd to follow up on it. However, by that night, he had called Daren (the evangelist in her local church) and Kelly, arranging for her to come to Dallas to help explore the possibility of doing something similar here with a survey. Suffice it to say, I was once again impressed with Todd. He was listening for ways to help those whom he served. Long story shorter, Kelly came in for several days and met with various leaders. She developed a survey for the Dallas church, and Todd administered it – with a very high degree of participation among our members. Kelly later came back and taught the staff more about how to interpret it and follow up on it. Input groups were appointed to give the leadership regular feedback in several different areas the survey results indicated as important to the church.
A Second Great Example
Another example of listening and looking out for better ways of serving the flock came much closer to my wheelhouse as a teacher. Todd had heard about several churches who were providing more in-depth Bible knowledge through a series of lessons taught by teachers other than the regular minister. Some of those churches had these lesson series taught during the regular Sunday services, followed by a shortened but otherwise normal worship service. In one of our coffee times, Todd asked me to help develop six series of six lessons each. Since I have a teacher development group, that we call “Digging Deeper,” I took the task to them as a way to not only get help with the project, but to use the experience to help them learn more about curriculum development. Two of our main region groups in Dallas have completed the series and the third is in the process of having it taught now.
Todd had several from our DD group do the teaching at his region first, as a sort of pilot program. Afterwards, he asked for input from us in designing a survey for his region to find out how effective they thought the series had been. Since the feedback was very positive, he then asked me to use the DD group in developing the next six lesson series, which he wants to have taught in the fall of this year. He also came to our last DD group meeting (we meet at various intervals, depending on the needs before us, and we have teachers from each of the ministry regions). To use his term, he likes to “touch” all sorts of different groups in their regular settings just to get a feel for how they are doing. His input into this meeting was very helpful. He has a Master’s degree in Bible himself and is a good student of the Word.
So there you have it – good examples of both listening to others and listening for others. The shepherds must know their sheep. As already stated, the results of the congregational survey led to the development of several input groups. After the increased emphasis on racial issues just over a year ago, another input group was formed for giving feedback in the racial relationship realm. But there is more, and a very exciting addition to be sure.
Diversity Workshops
The Dallas church has been especially blessed in two ways regarding this latter realm: one, our leadership is proactive in helping our interracial relationships; and two, we have an expert in racial diversity training as one of our members. Marcos Pesquera is the primary racial diversity trainer for a health organization, CHRISTUS Health, which has 60 hospitals operating in a number of states in the US and in several countries in Latin America. He is thus responsible for helping their 45,000 employees know how to best serve their patients, most of whom are either racial minorities or financially disadvantaged or both.
Marcos’ task is to help his organization understand the data from a number of sources in order to assess the chronic conditions that are decreasing life expectancy and quality of life in the communities that they serve. He says that they always find that racial and ethnic minorities are the most affected by chronic conditions, such as black stress, lack of organizational resources as well as a lack of health literacy and lack of trust. These are but a few of the causes of health disparities that his organization faces and must find solutions for. Additionally, his department also focuses on increasing the number of minorities in the executive suites, as well as helping teams work more effectively through inclusion of diverse employees, thoughts, levels of education, etc.
He and his wife, Kinny, have teamed up with one of our staff couples, Pierre and Shara Saget, to help train disciples. Marcos is Puerto Rican, Kinny is of German descent, Pierre is Haitian and Shara African American – quite a diverse group themselves. Interestingly, Todd Asaad had approached Pierre about forming a diversity group about four years ago, which was made more urgent by recent developments in our nation. Two sessions of these diversity workshops have already been held thus far in our congregation, and a larger meeting of all of our small group leaders is scheduled for September 23. Todd expects between 250 and 300 attendees for this “Oneness Workshop,” and he has invited some key leaders outside our congregation to take part as well. Here is Marcos’ description of those sessions that were already held:
Pierre Saget and I were privileged to run two practical workshops for the church, starting with the leadership. This group included evangelists, interns, women’s ministry leaders, as well as elders and church office staff. A month later we did a training for all our 120 singles in the singles ministry as their monthly devotional gathering.
We shared what the healthcare field is currently doing in order to mitigate the effects of racism and discrimination that affects our communities’ healthcare outcomes. We explained the personal unconscious biases that can affect the way care providers care for people, and also the institutional racism that needs to be identified and changed. These barriers must be removed for all our communities and populations so that they can experience equal access to opportunities that will enable them to live healthy lives.
I split the church groups into small teams that were diverse in terms of race/ethnicity and gender. I gave them a set of questions that promoted very deep conversations around these issues and how they view them, affecting them and how they felt from both sides of our racial differences. We touched on white privilege, and also on how both sides need to provide a safe/therapeutic environment for all to freely express the impact of these issues in their lives. While it got emotional, it was extremely therapeutic and all groups were able to express themselves in a safe environment. We concluded in the end that addressing these issues is a journey, and that a lot more communication, understanding, humility and trust needs to be built as we come a step closer to being more like our Jesus.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line is simple. Talk is cheap if all that we do is admit that our members of color may be feeling far more than we may yet realize. They need to know that we care enough to take action – actions that provide more education for our white membership and more opportunity for our members of color to feel understood. Love listens and love shares from the heart. I’m not saying that everything our black members feel is accurate, but I am saying that it is real.
Whatever they may need help dealing with from a biblical perspective will be much easier to accept if we have first listened and seriously sought to understand their “world.” The racial realm is one of the most sensitive among us right now, and we all need help. That help begins with a mutual understanding of where we all are in our grasp of the issues and continues with growing in our abilities to apply the principles of Jesus to them. Thank God that he put me in a place where our leaders are not only listening; they are taking action and making an impact. Please join them in seeking ways to strengthen interracial relationships in your congregation!
I have one more article to follow in this current series, one that describes what can happen when we take that honest look at our membership diversity of which I spoke in another recent series. I think you will be much encouraged. Until then…
As mentioned in my previous blog post, the DFW church conducted their third Diversity Workshop last Saturday as a part of an ongoing series. The first was for the ministry staff; the second was for the singles ministry; and the third was for all small group leaders (plus some others). As expected, we had at least 200 in attendance at this most recent one. From here, the workshop will be taken to the membership as a whole. Since I am including details as a way of encouraging other congregations to offer similar workshops, I will simply walk you through what we experienced Saturday.
A Biblical Foundation
After Todd Asaad introduced the workshop leaders, Marcos and Kinny Pesquera, and Pierre and Shara Saget, Pierre provided us with some important background Scriptures. He began with Jesus’ prayer for unity in John 17:20-23. A very compelling point from this passage can be made using a marriage analogy. Just as a husband and wife become one, Jesus and his bride, the church, must become one. Unless the church really embraces complete unity among the entire membership, our spiritual marriage to Christ will never answer his prayer of John 17.
Next, Pierre used 1 Peter 1:22 to show that the unity for which Jesus prayed is one that encapsulates a deep love from the heart for each another. This depth of love presupposes that we know one other really well and accept each other completely. It obviously must go much further than a brief greeting at church assemblies, especially with those who are different from us. Loving is caring, and caring is desiring to know as much as possible about our fellow disciples, certainly including the burdens that they feel and need help carrying.
Ephesians 2:19-22 was read and explained, making the point that if we are no longer foreigners and strangers within God’s family, then we should never feel like we don’t fit in. We cannot feel like we are on the outside looking in, not really being a part of God’s building and temple. We are all fellow citizens of his kingdom, on level ground with one another at the foot of the cross.
Then came 1 Chronicles 12:32, a most interesting passage. This verse is in the midst of a listing of those from the different tribes of Israel that joined David at Hebron, prior to him becoming king of the whole nation. It says of those from Issachar that they “understood the times and knew what Israel should do.” They were a part of a successful effort to unify God’s nation, and similarly, we must have among us leaders who understand our tumultuous times and know what the church should do. I am most grateful that we have leaders in our congregation who are clued in to the fact that racial harmony, even in the church, will not just happen – it must be orchestrated and nurtured!
Enter the Puerto Rican!
Marcos, our resident diversity training expert, began his segment talking about the striking cultural differences between him and his wife, Kinny. Suffice it to say that it was hilarious! Their backgrounds made it essential that they work hard to understand and accept one another in those differences. He used the iceberg illustration to show that unless we eradicate what he called “the culture of silence,” we will never understand the 90% that lies beneath the surface. Conversations are a must. He helped us to see just how important real communication is between our brothers and sisters. I cannot possibly explain all that he did in this part, but he laid the groundwork to help us be more comfortable talking about the normally uncomfortable topics relating to race.
Sharing to Deepen Relationships
Participation of the audience had three phases. First, we just talked to someone near us that we didn’t know or didn’t know well, and shared what was important to us as persons. Then we broke up into groups, based on random numbers that we chose as they were passed around through the whole assembly. This resulted in groups with a good mixture of racial backgrounds, gender, and age differences. In this setting, we were given questions to discuss about our backgrounds: family, schools, neighborhoods and friends. The most important question addressing the point of the workshop was to share who “those people” were in our family as we grew up.
On the latter, we heard some unexpected responses. One black brother shared that he was discriminated against by other blacks in his neighborhood because he had a father in the home whereas others didn’t. Pierre, having come from Haiti, found out that he wasn’t really black in the minds of some. He also learned that HBO didn’t just apply to a media source, but stood for “Haitian Body Odor!” It became obvious fairly quickly that prejudices come in many forms and that we all have some, whether we are conscious of them or not. For me, “those people” on the radar screen of my family were the uppity rich, highly educated folks who saw us for what we were: “rednecks from the wrong side of the tracks!” As I say, prejudice is far broader than racial categories and it is often systemic much like racial prejudice is – under the surface of our consciousness. We all need help – from God and from one another!
The Finale
The last part of the workshop included further material from Marcos with some audience participation. Marcos knows his stuff, no doubt about that. He is not only an excellent speaker, but he combines his expertise with humor to make vulnerability about sensitive issues much more natural. In the atmosphere created, people of all races were anxious to share feelings that in other settings might not have been shared at all.
The last topic he raised was “white privilege,” and it was really encouraging to me that almost everyone seemed to understand what that was and was not. It certainly doesn’t mean that every white person is born with a silver spoon feeding them the finest baby food. That was not my experience, for sure! On the other hand, it doesn’t mean that every person of color is born into dire circumstances and denied all opportunities. It does mean that our cultural setting in the United States is such that white people as a whole will enjoy some benefits that those of color in general will not. The biggest challenge for many white folks is that they simply do not understand what systemic racism actually is, since for most of them it is outside of their awareness. A lack of overt racism does not mean that racism in less obvious forms is absent. I was just rejoicing that we could talk about this topic without awkwardness and weirdness. Thank you, Marcos!
What’s Next?
The fellowship was abuzz after we were dismissed, and the comfortability level in discussing racial issues was raised significantly. It was only a beginning, but it was an observably excellent beginning. The next stage is to include the congregational membership as a whole in the process. I’m not sure just how that will be carried out, but Todd made it clear that this third segment was to help our small group leaders be more equipped to pass on what they had learned and then to be prepared to further help their group members learn from subsequent workshops and put into practice what they will learn.
My own suggestion will be that we have a three phase workshop. The first would be similar to what we experienced Saturday. It was great, but too brief to accomplish what needs to be accomplished. I would suggest following meetings like this one with assigned discussion questions for each member to talk about with several others of different races than they. This could be done as individuals or within small racially diverse groups. Then the final phase would be another large meeting which would consist of sharing the results of the previous discussions, followed by breaking into small groups once again. This would provide a good comparison of what had been accomplished since the small group discussions in the initial workshop setting. Anyway, those are my ideas at this point.
One thing is for certain. We are living in some tense times regarding racial and other differences. Our society has all but lost the ability to disagree without becoming disagreeable. The subject of politics alone illustrates this loss all too well. Freedom of speech is a constitutional right; hateful reactions when it is practiced are Satan’s delight. (Hey, that rhymes!) In God’s plan, diversity is to a beautiful thing. In man’s fallen condition without Christ, it is just the opposite. More and more respected members of our society are speaking up about these issues and encouraging unity and love as the solution. We in the family of God can do no less, certainly within our congregational families. Let’s do it!
Okay – this is the last article in the series about the DFW Church, my home church! There will be at least one more article in the series, one that shares what another congregation has been doing to promote better understand and closer ties between those of different races in their fellowship. If others would write me about what they are doing in their churches, we could continue the series even more, sharing ideas and helping disciples to deepen their relationships within their local fellowship. You have my email address at the top of the page – please use it!
The reason I have written as much as I have about my Dallas church is because I think it provides a good example that will hopefully encourage others. I do not believe that we are perfect in what we are doing, but I do believe that we are making significant efforts that should be imitated. Two details are exciting to me about what is happening here. One, it has nothing to do with me. Some might assume that since I started this blogsite on racial issues, I must be a catalyst for what is being done in Dallas. Not true at all! The reverse is true. What the leaders started here was my catalyst to begin the blogsite. If you start at the first blog post and read the early ones, you will understand just what the sequence has been.
Two, the impetus to begin dealing openly with racial issues in this church predated the current strong emphasis on racial issues in the United States. As I mentioned in a previous post, Todd Asaad, our congregational evangelist, started the ball rolling on the topic at least four years ago. Since then, much has happened to garner attention to all things racial in our society. The problems were clearly there prior to the last couple of years, but now it is receiving national attention in a way I’ve not seen since the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s. I’m proud of Todd for realizing the need and being proactive, although the focus here has been sharpened and made more urgent through these current events.
Speaking of these current events, I just watched a video of my good friend, Guy Prince, addressing these issues in a sermon delivered in South Carolina. Among his many good observations and spiritual applications, he described a group discussion he had participated in as the only white person present. He said it reminded him of what must have been taking place around dinner tables in black families for decades where racial issues were the topic. In other words, the discussion he was included in was an unfiltered and totally honest session about what life really felt like for the black population in the US.
He then commented that our present rapid escalation of such discussions in every imaginable venue was the result of our black friends taking those table talk sessions out of the house and into the public. Astute observation, that. He then pleaded for Christians to seek education and participation designed to promote understanding and empathy among us. It was an excellent sermon, and certainly well worth the 38 minutes of listening. You can watch and listen to it under “Media” on this church website: http://www.colachurch.org. You can also find a number of other lessons by different speakers on the same general topic there.
An Overview of a Foundation
The DFW Church is planning to continue with the Diversity Workshop approach, taking it next to the general membership. Just when and how that is to be done has not yet been announced. However, when it does occur, it will simply be the latest layer added to a foundation that has been built much earlier. Making real diversity a part of a diverse membership has been an ongoing process for some years. The rest of this article will call attention to several aspects of that foundation for diversity.
Some time back, I wrote a three part series for this blogsite entitled, “Racial Diversity in the Church – An Honest Look.” The first part candidly noted that our fellowship of churches began as “white church,” and in many ways is still that in spite of having a membership that is diverse racially. That being true in our earlier days is understandable, but it is no longer understandable or acceptable. We have to keep learning, growing and changing.
Diversity in the Church – An Honest Look
Probably the primary focus of that first article was on having a diversity that reflected the population where a given congregation is located. We should not be mainly one color, whatever it may be, unless such is a reflection of the population itself. On that note, the DFW Church has a fair mix in its racial makeup, although it is not totally reflective of the surrounding population. That being said, one of our three regional groups is a great example of a diverse makeup. Not surprisingly, it is the group into which I was first invited to speak on the topic of race. Our Southwest Region is led by Mark and Connie Mancini, and according to Mark, is about 50% white, 40% black and 10% other non-white in composition.
The second article in the series addressed the need to have our racial diversity reflected in the leadership of the church, plain and simple. The third article addressed several aspects of diversity: fellowship in the church assemblies; diversity in our worship music; and fellowship after our assemblies are dismissed, inside and outside our meeting places. It would be worthwhile going back to reread those three articles (or read them if you haven’t yet).
The SW Region of the DFW church is an excellent example of the points in the first two articles. Here are photos of their ministry staff and of their eldership. The ministry staff is shown here forming a panel for some sort of a leadership program, and the shot of the two elders and wives is one I took after a service in which I did the teaching. Interestingly, the elder families were in Boston during many of the years that I was, and now we are all together in Dallas. In both photos, the racial balance is almost exactly 50/50 (one less white person, actually).
The Southwest Ministry Staff
The Southwest Elder Couples
Diversity in Worship and Fellowship
My observations here come from my own experience in my home church region, Dallas East. These observations address part three of the article series mentioned above. Our worship leader in the Dallas East Region is Stan Hallowell. His mother is a professional gospel singer in Chicago for predominately black churches. Needless to say, he is quite conversant with this style of church music. In my earlier article, I mentioned that we typically have three styles of music in our churches: traditional hymns, contemporary popular style (Michael W. Smith and Chris Tomlin being examples of this style) and gospel choir. I failed to include what I call the “clappy-happy” type, which I often label “gospel aerobics” (not my favorite type, in spite of its popularity)!
The gospel choir approach, with small groups or solos (having more “soul” in them) added in, are characteristic of the music in many predominately black churches. Thankfully, this type of music is also a part of our worship services in both the DE Region services and in our occasional full congregational services at the Irving Convention Center. Thank you, Lord, for sending Stan and Nita our way! (By the way, my oldest grandson took their daughter to the prom – she’s a cutie!)
Although I posted another picture of Stan leading the DE Region singing, complete with gospel choir, here’s a more recent shot. The choir is much larger in the combined congregational services.
I once asked Todd if any of the older white members ever complained about some of the music not being “reverent” or “worshipful.” He said no, which shows that whatever foundation for diversity in music had been laid, it had been laid long ago – thankfully!
Diverse Fellowship?
Then we have the issue of fellowship before and after worship services – do we only hang out with “our” kind, or are we truly a family? The old adage, “birds of a feather flock together” is quite accurate in prisons, so I’m told, but if it is true in our fellowship, we are failing to appreciate God’s creation of diversity and are thus failing to be like God. One day after church services ended, I just grabbed a good racial representation of my church friends and had this next photo taken. I think it captures most of the racial variations in our group pretty well. I have either been in each of these brothers’ homes or they in mine or both. If you don’t have friends like these, you are missing out on so much fun, and are not reflecting the family of God as he intended it.
Fellowship, Fun and Love
You can never develop close friendships just by attending church together. We are called to “love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22) – and that is a learning process. It will not happen unless we spend meaningful time together, having honest dialogue and also fun. I have so many exciting stories about my relationships with non-white church brothers, but I cannot take the space to share many of them. I’ll just stick with a couple of recent ones.
Here is one story about my relationship with a greeter at church named James Williams (affectionately called Mr. James or Mr. Williams by the younger folks). I’ve always had fun talking with him before and after church, but after I started my blog, I realized that I really didn’t know his life story much at all. Knowing he was an Oakland Raiders football fan, I called him one evening last fall to ask if he were planning to watch them play a game on Monday Night Football. He said yes, so I asked if I could join him, and he said yes again.
Once I arrived at his place (he lives alone), we started watching the game and sharing our life stories, particularly as it applied to racial issues. It turned out to be his 70th birthday, so I’m glad God had me invite myself along that very night. Anyway, he was raised in Mississippi and then taught middle school there until he retired. His experiences as a black man during those horrid Jim Crow days were about as I had observed them in my home state of Louisiana. James didn’t pull any punches about such issues, nor did I. We had an open, honest, very helpful and enjoyable conversation. It was a memorable night for me, and I think for him too. He looks a bit serious in the photo, but he is a very warm, friendly guy!
When a white guy initiates a conversation about race and is really concerned, that willingness communicates quite clearly almost without words. I have such a difficult time understanding why some of my white brothers and sisters find doing such scary. How can you love deeply without first knowing deeply? Conversion stories move the heart when shared; life stories, complete with their challenges, move the heart as well. Why not have yours moved – often?
Don’t Forget the Fun!
Stan, our music director in my part of the church, loves fishing. I kept inviting myself along and finally our schedules meshed. He takes five at a time (counting himself) on a pontoon boat to fish for catfish. The day I went, the other white guy scheduled to go had to cancel. I asked the other brothers if I were a “token white” that day! Then I caught the first four or five fish, so I asked if that were another example of white privilege! No, that type of verbiage probably isn’t politically correct, but among friends and brothers, it works just fine. I wouldn’t begin to share some of what went on in the Big Black Brothers Club days in Boston. Most outsiders who heard us were shocked, Christians and non-Christians alike. Being real friends breaks down many barriers and removes weirdness.
We caught lots of fish that day and Stan cleaned them all while we talked and just enjoyed being brothers. Then, as is his custom, he has an annual fish fry which is attended by people from in and out of town. Although I ate too much and had indigestion most of the night, it was a blast! I couldn’t imagine life without my brother brothers (black brothers who are Christians). Here are the photos of the guys on the fishing trip and then of some of those present at the fish fry.
I am so grateful for God’s amazing creation of diversity in nature, but even more grateful for the amazing creation of diversity in his supreme act of creation – humans. Satan hates everything good, and he hates love most of all. When he is able to make us humans hate, he has accomplished his ultimate damage. When he is able to keep us from developing and enjoying the deep love for which we were designed, he is almost as successful. It has been said that the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s apathy. Let’s make some decisions and do some repenting and take action. After all, it is by our love for one another that the world is impacted most! Let’s help answer Jesus’ prayers of John 13:34-35 and John 17:20-21!
